TCA ~ Perspective. It all comes back to you.

The past six months I’ve been busy with real life.  No time for Twitter, blogging or much ‘online fun’.  I gained perspective after the emotional dredge which fueled my last blog post in September.  I’ve spent my time thinking, “What in the hell do I want out of life?”  I love Twitter and my blog, but I’ve shifted free time from ‘cyber playing’ to living and enjoying real life.  This is a good thing.

In July 2013, I started to actively enjoy the fun of Twitter.  I met many wonderful tweeps, who are still to this day, my actual friends.  At the inception of my blog up until October 2014, I self-rehabilitated myself to work through the emotional aspect of being a Domestic Violence (DV) survivor (mild physically, major emotionally).  I tweeted, thought, wrote, and voiced my inner thoughts/monologue into cyber space as a healing process.  Through this process, I learned, made new friends, laughed and started to believe life has indeed only begun to be a ‘Beautiful Life’.

Let me share some things I learned from my interactions on Twitter and Blogging:

Kindness, respect and understanding should be universal in everyone’s being.  We are not here to speak, act or believe what others think we should.  We are in this life for our own intentions, happiness and beliefs.  However, the choice to fuel this is each individual’s and we can only hope that we each use goodness, courtesy and selflessness to live.  Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all had this mindset?  Pretty amazing it would be, I think.

Individuality is not a negative thing.  Be who you want to be without worrying what anyone but YOU thinks.  What some other person random or not thinks of you means nothing.  It is their opinion that they are entitled to, so let them think and be opinionated as they wish.  If it is good, then good fills them.  If it is not good, then not goodness fills them.  Not you.  Also consider it in reverse, it is key to be able to let things roll off your back.  I have begun to realize I have the ability to control my emotions and thoughts about all of this and it has been a wonderful milestone.  This mindset will push you to the next level of well-being and the ability to make the right choices for YOU.  There is a learning curve, so don’t beat yourself up if it takes years to “get”.  I know it took me years!

There are times to make changes in your life.  Be wary of stagnation and complacency.  If you don’t like change, learn to.  A business cannot thrive if they don’t change the way they do things if business is not going the way they want, as is a person’s life.  It’s like watching television, if you don’t like the show that is on whether it’s boring, upsets you, or is not interesting, you CHANGE the channel.  Same with life.  It does not mean change your job every time you feel derailed or change boyfriend/girlfriend because you’re bored with them.  It means, look at YOURSELF and change the things about you that will in turn change the situation you are in, in a positive way.  If you point the finger at yourself always, or always look in the mirror when you feel things are not ‘going your way’ or ‘life sucks’, you will learn to make changes in the way YOU think, act, feel, behave that will get you where you need to be.  And again, not a quick thing to learn or master.  Give yourself the time to grow.  A redwood tree as majestic as it is, does not just appear that way.  It took time.  You CAN do this.  I know, because I’ve done it.  It’s taken me 18 months to learn all that you’re reading about in this post.  It CAN be done.

While I will not be as active as I once used to be on Twitter or my blog (as you probably already noticed), I will try to stay ‘connected’ as much as life will allow.  I’ll be tweaking my Twitter handle and blog name a bit to tone down the ‘shock’ of the all in fun name of “Toaster Cum Ass” (although keeping it in my Bio).  I would like to be worry-free of virtual, fun me and real/professional me crossing cyber paths and raising eyebrows in the professional realm to allow for my real/professional self to continue to grow, develop and accept presented opportunities.  Very recently in my current job, new responsibilities and inclusion in a corporate video that will be accessible globally is definitely something to give courtesy to in regard to my company’s reputation and expanding potential as well as paving my road for a long-term and successful career path.  In addition, being a Board Member of a non-profit should also be given that same courtesy to ensure the success of their mission.

This is not a goodbye, rather the closing of a chapter in the Book of My Life as “TCA”, the lost soul, needing direction, guidance, a chance to be free and the true person she is.  Almost like graduating high school and moving onto college.  I will be away, learning, growing, living life to its fullest.  Remember this though, you all made this happen for me - my Twitter followers and my blog readers.  The teeny percentage of ‘not so cool’ interactions has been muted by the magnitude of respect, love, admiration, care and understanding of many of you male and female tweeps alike.  This has given me courage, more compassion and drive to continue to be who I want to be thereby doing things that make me happy and that are in the best interest of me and my life and overcome the experience of DV.  I am merely shifting efforts from personal rehab to professional/personal motivation and determination.  My treatment has been successful, thanks to you.  I truly have a place in my heart for all of you who have been on this journey with me these several months.  I miss you when I'm away.  I really do.  Keep in touch!

Soja - "I believe"

Music ~ Rough Emotional Day

Yesterday I was a little outta sorts.  If you noticed any of my tweets or random name changes, at one point it seemed I may have fallen off my rocker.  I didn't, but life will do that to you sometimes.  I love that I have Twitter to unleash my somewhat 'non compos mentis' thoughts.  Some of you get me. Thank you for that.  Just know, I'm fine and ya'll are the beacon of light through this long stretch of fuckedupness I'll be dealing with hopefully only the first half of the year (If this is the first time you're reading my blog, refer to the '(In All Seriousness' page.) *sigh*

Anyway, I turn to music when I have no words to express the state of affairs of TCA in the brain.  So here ya are...ya'll are my heros...in case you didn't know...xo...have a good work week.

"And I still find it so hard

To say what I need to say

But I'm quite sure that you'll tell me

Just how I should feel today"

~Flunk/Blue Monday/New Order~

"Inside my heart is breaking

My make-up may be flaking

But my smile still stays on"

~Queen~

"God knows that I've tried

Seeing the bright side

I'm wide awake

I'm not blind anymore..."

~Katy Perry~

"After all of the darkness and sadness

Still comes happiness

If I surround myself with positive things

I'll gain prosperity"

~Destiny's Child~

"We'll walk this route together through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just lettin' you know that you're not alone

Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road"

~Eminem~

"Say what you want to say, and let the words fall out."

~Sara Bareilles~

"It's alright

Wherever you are right now

I tell you it's alright

That's where you're supposed to be now"

~311~

Funsies ~ Sibling Stories

I miss my siblings.  I have five.  Well, three technically that I grew up with. The other two are ex-step siblings, whom I still consider siblings, if that makes any sense.  We won't go there, the whole 'ex-step' in itself is mind-boggling (If you knew the story, but you won't, cause I digress.  LoL In my defense, it's 2:35 am EST.  And my blog is for funsies.  So there.)

I am the oldest of four, with a considerable gap (nine years to be exact) between me and the second oldest, Crazy. Growing up, I was almost like the mom to my sibs as both my parents worked nights.  Crazy and I are the closest because of this fact.  This blog post is categorized as 'funsies' because I wanted to share a few childhood stories that make me laugh to this day.  She may not want me to tell them, but too bad so sad.  Maybe she should read my blog more often - cause she won't know I'm telling you unless you tell her.  LoL  So, shhhhh.

Story One ~ 'Why I Don't Game'

On my thirteenth birthday, I had a sleepover.  My dad pitched a tent in the back yard, set up the Nintendo (yes, the original) outside on patio.  I was so into Nintendo's Legend of Zelda, I received the Nintendo Magazine to learn tips and tricks, blah, blah, blah.  I played hours on this game.  Long story short, Crazy, age four, 'accidentally' erased the memory for Legend of Zelda.  I was DEVASTATED.  The world ended.  I cried. And cried.  And loathed her that day.  My birthday.  I never gamed like that again.  I never got into a game, putting in hours and hours to find and defeat and enjoy the challenge ever again.  (Until Plants vs. Zombies, but that's neither here nor there.)  The ironic thing?  Crazy is a gamer.  She's got mad skills in many games, but her poison is Halo and COD.  MAD.  Like amazefuckingballs mad.  It has been some time since she played with life changes in the past few years (her ex's took her XBox TWICE! If that's any indication of her gaming skills! Those haters. LoL), but when I say mad skills, dudes would be 'reluctant to play her' mad.  They would always want to be on her team (if team mode).

Story Two ~ 'Smell This'

As gross as it might seem, wait, nevermind, it is outright gross, but whatever, we were kids. I love my sister, yes, but she was annoying when she was younger.  Those of you with siblings (or even multiple children) understand this. I believe she was around six or seven when I started doing this to her.  I used to fart in my hand (shut up, yes, TCA fucking farts, so what - you don't?), call her to me and tell her to smell this.  In my closed fist, she would stick her nose and take a HUGE whiff. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  You would think she would learn, but she didn't. Even funnier, I have done it a few times in adulthood.  LMAO

Story Three ~ 'Wait For Me!'

At some point in early adulthood, you end up living back at home with your parents for a short time to either help them or yourself get back on your feet. I've had to do that a couple of times myself.  I think I was twenty-one or twenty-two, just out of the Air Force.  Crazy was in middle school. My parents had just moved to Georgia from Hawaii; they were living in an apartment complex.  As with most apartment complexes, you usually take your trash to the trash compactor dumpster. Our complex had a pull up and throw into type set-up.  There was somewhat of a ramp that took car high enough for one to be able to throw their bag of trash down into the dumpster. Crazy and I would go together in my truck (I drove a white Toyota Tacoma Prerunner); I would drive, she would jump out and fling the bag into dumpster. On this occasion, I started to drive away slowly as she threw trash bag, she didn't notice.  When she did notice, she started running yelling 'Wait for me!'.  Of course I slowed as she got closer, then I started off again slowly.  She started running full speed and just about caught up (I'm not going fast at all, mind you.) when I slammed on the brakes.  Needless to say, she ran right into the back of the truck. No, she didn't get hurt.  Yes, I am an asshole sister.  So what, we still love each other.

That's it for silly stories of me and Crazy.

I wanted to share a video also, a show actually, that Crazy and I would watch together.  We absolutely loved it and watched it often.  I found it on YouTube a couple of nights ago, which prompted the idea of this post about her.  The below video is an actual, full length show of comedian/entertainer, Steven Banks.  This probably falls into the nergeekiness category for both Crazy and me.  Enjoy!

Steven Banks Show (Showtime 1989)

And last but not least, a song to close this post out.  Crazy used to watch Barney (yes, which ultimately means I had to watch it too) and she would always sing this song and want to hug me.  I hated it at the time because I thought she was such a pest, but through it all, I loved her as an annoying pest.  I love her still.  She's my sister.  I love my sister.

I Love My Sister (Barney, 1992/1993)

Celebrate your siblings, the bond you share (Well, I hope you have what Crazy and I have.) with a sister and/or brother is priceless.  If you don't it's okay, maybe it's a step-sibling, cousin or long time friend you consider sibling like.  Cherish the people who matter in your life.  Tell them how much you truly love them and exactly what they mean to you.  They will appreciate it and even reciprocate the sentiment!

Erotica Snippet ~ Happy New Year!

‘It’s late, sexy man.’ Says a sultry voice at the doorway.

You grin, knowing it’s me, up to one of my little games.  You slowly swivel your man cave office chair to face me.  You inwardly whimper with excitement.  Standing at the doorway in shiny black stilettos and an ensemble you have not seen before, you stare at the vixen in front of you in awe.  You think, good god what have I done to deserve HER.  HOLY SHIT.  Your cock is thinking the same thing as he rises to the occasion.

I’m wearing a royal purple satin ribbon, tied daintily around my neck. The corset color matches the bow with black, lace trim.  The stockings are fun and flirty complete with the suspender belt/garter.  I think, that’s right, YOU … are MINE, oh sexy lover … I will have you tonight.

“It’s time for bed, Andy.  I NEED you to wrap up NOW.  Meet me there.” I purr.  I turn slowly and walk out of sight.

As I turn to walk away, you see the backside of my outfit: purple satin ribbon crisscrossing my caramel colored back.  Peeking through my slightly closed hand, are anal beads. I hold the ring and let the beads drop and dangle just as I am out of sight. Like the devil, you wrap up your work, shut down your laptop and scurry to the bedroom.


As you near, you hear Mac Miller's Objects in the Mirror playing softly.  Turning the corner into the room you see me dancing, with my back facing you.  You watch me dance to the beat swaying and gyrating my hips, my raven hair wisps in opposing direction.  I turn slowly, still dancing, my eyes meet yours.  You slink towards me rubbing your cock, smiling coquettishly.  I love when you smile like that...clit twitchy, you are.

You reach out, wrap your strong arm around my waist and spin me to face the other way.  I'm pulled close to you as we spoon standing.  I turn my head to the left and lean back against your chest, exposing my neck to you.  You murmur my name into my neck, smell me and exhale in my ear, arousing my nipples and sex at the same time.  You turn me back around, kiss my cheek then slowly lick my jawline from my chin to my ear...I close my eyes and lip smile as you tell me how fucking sexy I am...bliss, just pure bliss listening to your deep, sexy voice.

I open my eyes and gaze at your beautiful face.  You side smirk and walk backwards pulling me with you to the bed.  Once you've sat, you tell me to lay across your lap like a 'good girl'.  I do as you say with a fiery rage of desire building inside me.  Without warning you spank my ass cheeks and I gasp in surprise, yet I smile wide in sexual euphoria.  I tell you to spank me harder and you do...over and over.  My ass is red, my pussy is wet and you are rock hard...I feel you against my rib.  Your cock throbbed and pulsated each time you spanked me.

You help me up off your lap and gently lift me up as I wrap my legs around your waist.  Carrying me around to the other side of the bed, we lustfully embrace and kiss, letting our tongues violate one another.  Like the gentleman you are, you set me down like a priceless piece of China, delicately and lightly.  The contrast of your actions to your voice tone sparks tingles in my sex when you command me with a hint of a primal growl, to turn over ass up face down.  I do as you say. 

You rim me, making my rear entrance lubed and ready to take my anal beads.  One by one you push each bead into my ass as I enjoy the feeling of every insert, each more than the previously placed bead.  Once they're all in, you tell me to get my toy and lay in the middle of the bed with my head near the headboard, no pillow.  I do as you say.  You crawl up over me, position yourself above me, placing your knees on each side of my head so your cock is hovering above my face.  I smile looking up at you as I spread my legs and vibe my clit as I lean up and take your hard cock in my mouth.  You grab onto the headboard and tilt your head back reveling in the feel of my mouth doing wondrous things to your rock, hard cock.

I love the sight of your chest and arms, flexing each time I massage your tip with my throat.  You look down at me, in rapture, the way I'm sucking you off is deeply moving yet sensually charged, so much emotion is evident in my eyes.  We get each other intellectually, we feel each other on a higher emotional level; it heightens our physical attraction and creates audacious sexual desires.

My clit is reaching engorgement and my climax is on the rise.  The closer I get, the more intense my sucking becomes.  Your moans fuel my auditory senses, your pre-cum teases my taste buds, my sex is aching for you to be inside me.  You know this to be soon and gently ease away from me.  I watch you push away from the headboard, your biceps flex and make me melt. 

Backing up you prepare to penetrate me as I continue to pleasure myself, my clit.  Lifting both legs and pushing them back and down at the backside of my thighs, my knees are to my ears, and you enter my sex mercilessly.  I inhale and gasp in sheer painful pleasure arching my back and calling out your name in ecstasy.  You thrust skillfully and consistently, knowing how I like it, knowing how far in you should go as I pleasure my clit at the same time.

It's close, oh, so close...you hear it in my moans, and the drawing in of quick breaths every time you thrust in...as I reach my climax, my pussy pulsates and rhythmically massages your cock as I squeal in delight with positive affirmations and praising of some supreme being.  You reach around and pull the beads out, one...by...one...causing my orgasm to crest each time a bead pops out, driving me wild.

In a haze of post orgasmic pleasure, I grab my breasts and hold on as the Mighty 'O' roller coaster ride collides with what I now realize is your jackhammering.  In a matter of minutes, your pulverizing pounding, makes you cum explosively and vocally. Your gruff and pleased outcries of passion make my nipples harder.  I watch you thrust one last time and hear a barely audible whimper as you collapse onto me and envelope me in your arms.  You bury your face in my neck...we smell of sex, hopes and dreams for the new year.

Happy New Year to all my Toasted Cummies, Tweeps,

Blog Readers...my cyber friends.  Love you all.

Stay safe and LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED biznitches!!!!

*Opens bottle of wine*

Corset pictures courtesy of http://www.corset-story.com/

Anal beads picture courtesy of my collection.

Erotica Snippet ~ 69

We're getting ready for bed.  I'm ahead of you already settling into my spot on the bed.  You finish up your pre-bedtime routine and minutes later make your way to bed.  I lay naked and smirking in the middle of bed.

'Let's 69, baby....’ I say to you barely biting my bottom lip.

Standing at the foot of the bed, you smile a devilish smirk.  Your dick twitches at my comment and quickly responds growing to full capacity in anticipation.  You slide out of your trunks and crawl towards me.  My heart races, as I watch you prowl forward.  As you get closer, I slowly scoot myself down, at the same time hastily swatting pillows aside to make room around my head area for your legs.

You push my legs apart and look at my pussy with greedy eyes.  Without warning you target my clit with your mouth causing me to gasp delightfully in surprise.  It feels like you thought to yourself, 'this clit is mine; I'm taking it and giving no mercy'.  Sucking and tonguing it as you grab around my thighs and press into me.  It feels so fucking' good...you play with my sex lips with two fingers, tickling the inner lips and teasing my libido.  You lift your head up and reach your two fingers to my mouth.  Taking your fingers into my mouth, I suck it as if it were your dick, wetting it up knowing what you want to do with it.

With your fingers wet, you tickle the insides of my sex lips, and then thrust your fingers deep inside my pussy making me murmur a groan as my back crescents.  I suck in air and exhale a pleasured whimper, grabbing my breasts as you expertly finger fuck me, watching my body respond to your touch and motion.  All the while you've been stroking that strong, throbbing dick of yours, getting it ready for my mouth.

Pulling out your fingers, you get in position for our 69 session by crawling up over me, but stopping to kiss me passionately and sensually.  Our tongues are lashing each other and I taste myself, making me aroused more and wanting you to taste me again.  I'm running my hands through the hair at the back of your head and down your taut and sexy back.  I grab your ass and squeeze in rapture.  I rake my nails back up to your shoulders as you pull away to look at me, gazing into my eyes.  We smile at each other.

You softly say, 'I want to taste you again, Lenore.'

I respond by softly trailing my nails slowly down to your lower back as I say in return,

'I want to suck and swallow your essence, Sir Daneel' stifling a giggle.

You chuckle and play bite my neck, making me laugh and smack your ass.

You back up a bit so you can sit up as you're straddling me; you spin pivot and reposition your legs so you’re now straddling me facing away.  That ass of yours I so truly love is within reach so I grab, rub, and smack it again, oh so hard.  You back up as I guide your knees to get your cum dripping dick in the perfect position.  As soon as it is, I lunge and devour it.  You moan that virile sound driving me crazy which fuels my sucking.  You blow on my clit, and with distinct mastery, flick it several times with your tongue making me squirm causing me to intensify my sucking …

Who doesn’t love 69?  Imagine the finish...oh yes I did, leave you to your imagination.  Have fun rubbin' it out to your created ending... I know I'm about to... #soloecstasy ;)

Erotica Snippet ~ Sex Goddess

Walking back into the bedroom, you stop short to find me walking towards you in your old high school football jersey and those shiny, black stilettos.  Instantly, your dick and surprisingly, nipples, harden.  I'm smiling that devilish smile that tells you I'm up to no good with you.  My head is slightly tilted forward, licking my top lip ever so slightly; I saunter past you only to swing around right behind you.

I reach my hands in front of your sexy body and caress your chest while kissing your back, then biting playfully.  I run my hands down to your throbbing, fully charged dick.  I stroke my dick and whisper to you that I love my dick so hard and ready.

I walk back around to face you and drop to me knees, keeping my eyes trained onto yours.  I gently grab my dick with one hand and your balls in the other and stroke and fondle while still looking into your eyes.  I drop to a sitting on my folded legs position so I can lick and suck on your balls while stroking your shaft.  I kiss your balls tenderly, and then devour them into my mouth.  You inhale sharply and close your eyes tilting your head back as you place your hand behind my head to caress in approval.  I hum my satisfaction of your tasty nuts in my mouth a bit while stroking you.

I straighten myself out and blow gently on your tip, then suck it like my favorite blow pop in the world.  Each time I take you in and pull away, I turn my head a different direction, wetting it up and enjoying every suck.  I occasionally pull off and smack my tongue or cheek while watching you enjoy your baby sucking you off.

I stop abruptly, stand and turn walking towards the bathroom sink.  I stand in front of the sink with my legs spread the width of my shoulders.  You watch me bend over onto the sink while looking at you through the mirror reflection as I mouth to you, 'Come fuck your pussy baby'.

Without hesitation, you stand behind me while I'm getting ready for you to give it to me. I want to feel you inside so bad.  You reach between my legs and rub my clit, making me close my eyes and tilt my head in heady anticipation.  You lift the jersey up past my tattoos so you can look at them.  You take my dick and rub it on my sex lips making me whimper and beg you to put where it belongs.  You place one hand on my tattoos and help push my thick fucking dick into your warm, perfect pussy.  Once the head is in, you slowly push your whole self, deep inside me while listening to me gasp with delight.  Once in at full capacity, I command you to fuck me and fuck me hard and fast.  I want you to ravish me.  I want you to grab the hair at the back of my neck and pound into me making me moan with agonizing pleasure.  You give it to me until you are about to cum; you tell me to get ready and pull out so I can turn around, get down on my knees and stroke you till you cum explosively yet lovingly, all...over...my face and breasts, letting it trickle down my abs.

I stand up and lean against the sink.  As if my body is a cake and your cum is icing, you glide your finger on my body in an upward sweeping motion, lifting cum onto your finger, into my mouth, smiling reverentially at your seductive sex goddess.

Erotica Snippet ~ Ecstasy

My back arches as you gingerly flick my clit with your tongue.  Sucking on it, you grab around my thighs to hold my legs apart.  I moan and breathe deep as the feeling of your mouth and tongue invading my sex and entrance with force makes me writhe.  You turn on my purple G-Spot toy and watch me smile with my eyes close as I hear the faint titillating buzzing sound.  You know I wanted you to try this with me.  Your dick is throbbing and you so want to violate me with it.  But first, you want to see me squirm as I try to reach that 'other kind of orgasm' I told you about.  You stroke yourself with gentle persuasion to an adagio only you can hear, mentally telling your member to be patient.

Gently, you spread my lips and place the tip of my prized vibrating toy at my entrance.  I murmur my anticipation and raise my pelvis.  You're in a trance watching the toy being swallowed by my pussy; you secretly wish it was your dick.  Moving the toy with a subtle 'digging in the sand' motion, you make me groan with delight.  I grab my breasts and fondle my nipples.  Your bulging dick twitches as you watch and caress my legs, kissing my inner thighs delicately.  Every place you touch tingles.

I turn my bullet vibrator on, rub my clit for good measure and use my fingers to find my clit spot before eagerly positioning the second pleasure stick.  Instantaneously, the sensitivity throbbing from my clit connects with the vibrating sensations from the toy inside me, infiltrating my whole being with pure sexual ecstasy.

(I think next time, I'll take the suggestion of an anonymous reader to write about cum...)

I Am An American

I was born in Hawaii, the 50th State of the United States of America.

I genetically make up six different ethnic backgrounds.

I eat hot dogs.

I vote.

I exercise my right to Freedom of Speech.

I exercise my right to Bear Arms.

I am an American.

Thank you all service members of all branches of our country's military!

Happy Veterans Day!

Because Freedom Can't Protect Itself