TCA ~ Perspective. It all comes back to you.

The past six months I’ve been busy with real life.  No time for Twitter, blogging or much ‘online fun’.  I gained perspective after the emotional dredge which fueled my last blog post in September.  I’ve spent my time thinking, “What in the hell do I want out of life?”  I love Twitter and my blog, but I’ve shifted free time from ‘cyber playing’ to living and enjoying real life.  This is a good thing.

In July 2013, I started to actively enjoy the fun of Twitter.  I met many wonderful tweeps, who are still to this day, my actual friends.  At the inception of my blog up until October 2014, I self-rehabilitated myself to work through the emotional aspect of being a Domestic Violence (DV) survivor (mild physically, major emotionally).  I tweeted, thought, wrote, and voiced my inner thoughts/monologue into cyber space as a healing process.  Through this process, I learned, made new friends, laughed and started to believe life has indeed only begun to be a ‘Beautiful Life’.

Let me share some things I learned from my interactions on Twitter and Blogging:

Kindness, respect and understanding should be universal in everyone’s being.  We are not here to speak, act or believe what others think we should.  We are in this life for our own intentions, happiness and beliefs.  However, the choice to fuel this is each individual’s and we can only hope that we each use goodness, courtesy and selflessness to live.  Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all had this mindset?  Pretty amazing it would be, I think.

Individuality is not a negative thing.  Be who you want to be without worrying what anyone but YOU thinks.  What some other person random or not thinks of you means nothing.  It is their opinion that they are entitled to, so let them think and be opinionated as they wish.  If it is good, then good fills them.  If it is not good, then not goodness fills them.  Not you.  Also consider it in reverse, it is key to be able to let things roll off your back.  I have begun to realize I have the ability to control my emotions and thoughts about all of this and it has been a wonderful milestone.  This mindset will push you to the next level of well-being and the ability to make the right choices for YOU.  There is a learning curve, so don’t beat yourself up if it takes years to “get”.  I know it took me years!

There are times to make changes in your life.  Be wary of stagnation and complacency.  If you don’t like change, learn to.  A business cannot thrive if they don’t change the way they do things if business is not going the way they want, as is a person’s life.  It’s like watching television, if you don’t like the show that is on whether it’s boring, upsets you, or is not interesting, you CHANGE the channel.  Same with life.  It does not mean change your job every time you feel derailed or change boyfriend/girlfriend because you’re bored with them.  It means, look at YOURSELF and change the things about you that will in turn change the situation you are in, in a positive way.  If you point the finger at yourself always, or always look in the mirror when you feel things are not ‘going your way’ or ‘life sucks’, you will learn to make changes in the way YOU think, act, feel, behave that will get you where you need to be.  And again, not a quick thing to learn or master.  Give yourself the time to grow.  A redwood tree as majestic as it is, does not just appear that way.  It took time.  You CAN do this.  I know, because I’ve done it.  It’s taken me 18 months to learn all that you’re reading about in this post.  It CAN be done.

While I will not be as active as I once used to be on Twitter or my blog (as you probably already noticed), I will try to stay ‘connected’ as much as life will allow.  I’ll be tweaking my Twitter handle and blog name a bit to tone down the ‘shock’ of the all in fun name of “Toaster Cum Ass” (although keeping it in my Bio).  I would like to be worry-free of virtual, fun me and real/professional me crossing cyber paths and raising eyebrows in the professional realm to allow for my real/professional self to continue to grow, develop and accept presented opportunities.  Very recently in my current job, new responsibilities and inclusion in a corporate video that will be accessible globally is definitely something to give courtesy to in regard to my company’s reputation and expanding potential as well as paving my road for a long-term and successful career path.  In addition, being a Board Member of a non-profit should also be given that same courtesy to ensure the success of their mission.

This is not a goodbye, rather the closing of a chapter in the Book of My Life as “TCA”, the lost soul, needing direction, guidance, a chance to be free and the true person she is.  Almost like graduating high school and moving onto college.  I will be away, learning, growing, living life to its fullest.  Remember this though, you all made this happen for me - my Twitter followers and my blog readers.  The teeny percentage of ‘not so cool’ interactions has been muted by the magnitude of respect, love, admiration, care and understanding of many of you male and female tweeps alike.  This has given me courage, more compassion and drive to continue to be who I want to be thereby doing things that make me happy and that are in the best interest of me and my life and overcome the experience of DV.  I am merely shifting efforts from personal rehab to professional/personal motivation and determination.  My treatment has been successful, thanks to you.  I truly have a place in my heart for all of you who have been on this journey with me these several months.  I miss you when I'm away.  I really do.  Keep in touch!

Soja - "I believe"

Mother's Day Reflection ~ Moms Are Courageous

Eight years ago, I celebrated my very first Mother's Day.  My little bundle of joy, my son, was four weeks old.  Yes, what a joyous occasion.  Except I celebrated it in a Children's Hospital.

It was the second day of stay at All Children's Hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida.  I woke to the beautiful footprint greeting hanging on some medical contraption.  It was a bittersweet surprise.  We would not know that our four week old had neuroblastoma until four days later and a number of blood tests, scans and even a liver biopsy.  Remember my 'Renewed Motivation' post?  I really wish the book I talk about in that post was around.  It would have helped immensely in this experience as you can imagine the kinds of emotions a first time mother would have experienced learning what her infant son was just diagnosed with. (Thankfully he is free and clear and has been for seven years now.)

Let's fast forward to October 2013.  My son, who was seven years old this month, unfortunately witnessed the domestic violence altercation his father and I was in that ultimately jump started the process of extrication from a twelve year long relationship, a nine year marriage.  It was because I was a Mother, I had the courage to finally walk away.  Ultimately, it's one thing to have to endure something personally, but if my child is now affected, that's where the line is drawn.

This post is not about neuroblastoma nor domestic violence.  This is about Mothers. I want to honor Mothers worldwide today.  Not just my own, but all moms - not just moms who have given birth, those who foster, adopt and marry into the role, single moms, married moms, divorced/widowed moms, moms with one child, moms with eighteen children.  We're awesome quite frankly.  My story is only one, of millions of stories that each mother has.  And every story shares the same story line, courage.

I remember having courage to sit in that hospital for six days, watching nurses, poke, prod and whisk my son away for testing while not knowing what in the fuck was going on.  I remember having courage the night of the domestic violence altercation, my seven year old standing up to his father, yelling at the top of his lungs "Don't hurt her!!!!!!", with sheer fright yet determined to protect his mother.  I had the courage that night to say to the police officer, yes, I don't want him back in this house, knowing that the road ahead would be unpleasant and rough - for everyone.  Moms are made of courage.

I've never mentioned this before, but I am also a step-mother.  The Ex has a son, who was six years old when I met him.  He will be twenty years old in June.  Do you know that he loves and respects me more than his own biological parents? That makes me sad, but I am very happy I can be that person for him.  I love him as if he were my own.  I firmly believe being in this past relationship was to be a part of his life, not his father's.

Back to moms, yes, we are courageous.  Today I celebrate the Mothers of the World.  For having the patience, love and determination to keep their children happy and safe.  To knowing what's good for them and taking action when necessary.  For working hard to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table when the father has skipped out.  For trying their absolute best to give the best they can to their children no matter what.

Being a mom doesn't mean making sacrifices, it means being courageous while loving and caring with every ounce of their being.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers of the world.  I hope you enjoy today as much as I will.