Emotional Wave ~ Tsunami of Feelings, Am I Wrong?

Sometimes I find myself lost in emotional waves that are pleasant, which is when I go weeks without posting.  And then there are emotional waves that are reminiscent of a tsunami...there's a momentary drawback of my mind's shoreline, dredging memories of the infliction of disillusionment.  These memories in all it's abundance creates the tsunami's wave trough, an intense emotional ridge, cresting with a raging fury ready to thrash my delicately re-built shore.

It's easy to push your feelings in the shadows, into the corner of a closet of your mind and shut the door.  It sits quietly, undisturbed.  You try so hard to forget it's there because it pains you to think it even existed.  You beat yourself up about how you allowed such experiences to transpire and be written in your life...

This is what the emotional part of me in life is like, as a survivor of domestic violence.

Today, my happy place (Twitter/my blog) was confirmed to have been trolled by "the Ex".  Of course many of us thought he probably has, but it was finally documented and confirmed as such.  So, background...I have a 12 month restraining/no contact order against him, the only way we communicate is via text, which should be child related.  So, to get to the root of my falling off the stable emotional wagon today, after financial related texting, he drops this in the convo:

"...maybe I should show our kids and everyone all your dirty laundry tweets on Twitter and your blog."

I flashed back to my December 2nd, 2013 blog post, where I touch on domestic violence, utilizing a YouTube video clip of a scene in Labyrinth with David Bowie, where he is told, 'You have no power over me.'  Why did I flash back to that? When I read that specific line of text from the Ex, although a millisecond of a shock, the jolt sent me into an emotional retrograde.  Technically, this is a form of emotional abuse according to the infamous "Power and Control Wheel".  Of course, it took me all night to mill through the emotional distress, hence here we are.

First and foremost, for a 41 year old man to state this (in text no less) in reference to an 8 year old boy and 5 year old girl, is completely and utterly unacceptable.  To say you would show some one's children something that you know damn well you shouldn't, is a threat, is it not?  Secondly, show everyone else, IDGAF, MY Twitter and MY blog, is my safe haven, my solace.  Third, it is infuriating to say the least, that he calls my tweets and blog "dirty".  And lastly, it is equally infuriating that this 'dirty' labeling of his, encompasses my friends on Twitter and ALL my blog readers.  They are regular people who are enjoying the entertainment of Twitter and my blog.

Since when is someone expressing their creativity or socializing online or in person 'dirty'?!  My ability to WRITE my thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotions are beautiful, life affirming things.  That are MINE.  I refuse to let him and his words shit all over me, my friends and my happy place.

We all know now (because many of us - my family, friends, Twitter friends and blog readers - "had a feeling" he was trolling), FOR SURE, that he and his cohorts have cyber stalked me.  Let me give them something to think about if they probably didn't know, or if they did, remind them as they chose to turn the other cheek.

Without my Ex in my life, I can...

• Make new friends in real life and virtually - female and especially male (as a matter of fact, after I met him, I lost ALL my male friends)
• Not be accused of fucking any of my new friends
• Not worry that I might miss a call at my work desk and get third degree questioned about where I was because I didn't answer my phone
• Drive home from work at a leisurely pace, get stuck in traffic and not worry if I arrive home "10 minutes later than usual"
• Go grocery shopping and TAKE MY TIME.  I have absolutely NO TIME CONSTRAINTS.
• Volunteer my time if I want, however I want, to do whatever I want
• Take dance lessons (I just started back Hula/Tahitian dance class recently!)
• Make eye contact with men and not worry about being accused of doing something with them
• Go out with girlfriends and freely go to different places in one night, because, isn't that what you do, when you go out?  I would be crucified for not being at the original place I said I was going to be at
• Have lunch with a male co-worker without issues
• Have a phone conversation in a crowded area and not be asked, "Who's that?  Who's there?  Where you at?  Who are you with?
• Not worry about having someone smell my pantyliner (yes, that was TMI, but WHO FUCKING DOES THAT???)
• Tweet anything that I damn well feel like Tweeting because it's Twitter (Do you even know what Twitter is, bro?)
• Blog about anything that I damn well feel like blogging about, because, it's MY BLOG, you fuck.  And, the First Amendment.  (Oh, and those Erotica Snippets have nothing to do with ANY sexy time I ever had with you.)
• not worry that I might be choked, man handled or hair pulled
• and will, find myself a man who will treat me the way I deserve to be, not ever verbally, emotionally or physically abuse me, love me for who I used to be, who I am today, and encourage me to be the best that I can be.

There's more, but I'm tired and puffy eyed from crying in anger at his behavior and more importantly, that I have to deal with him for the rest of my life because, kids.

Since the song "Am I Wrong" by Nico & Vinz came out, I've related it to me with life.  When line is sung, "For thinking that we could be something for real", the "we" for some of you is another person, your significant other, for me, it's 'me and a beautiful, happy life'.  You know what?  I'm NOT wrong.

It's Why You're Still Here Robin.

I wish people would stop focusing on his 'issues', 'problems', 'addictions', 'struggles'...

Instead why can't people focus on a death, by whatever mean and because it's happened and nothing will change it, as a chance to CELEBRATE the life LIVED. The decades of laughs, smiles, feel good feelings, inspirational and charitable works.

Be grateful for what the one who passed GAVE US during their life. Learn from their life, not pick apart or find the blemishes.

I'm going to remember all the wonderful movies, appearances, events, activism and good things of not only him, but of people in general. That's what I'm going to do.

Scene's from my most favorite movie starring the great Robin Williams, "What Dreams May Come" ...I celebrate you.

"Heaven and Reality"

"I still exist."

"Sometimes when you win, you lose."

Rant ~ Remove Yourself From Twicsy!

I’m totally going to go nergeek on you in this post.  How you ask?  I’m going to give you a step by step, tutorial with screenshots and instructions with pretty colored arrows.  That’s how.  Why you ask?  Because you probably didn’t realize Twicsy existed and that even after you delete your Twitter account…the pictures you tweeted, live on.  What is Twicsy?  They say: "Twicsy is social pics."  It's a Twitter picture search engine.

If you’re me however, when you search your ‘Virtual’ self to make sure it isn’t cross-referencing your ‘Real Life’ self for professional reasons, you stumble upon your ‘Funsies’ Twitter intertwined with your ‘Professional’ Twitter.  DAFUQ?!?!  Exactly.  This is what I looked like if you were my laptop screen looking back at me when I made this discovery…

Courtesy of using canva.com

See, what had happened was….I retweeted something as TCA, which should have been retweeted by “Real Life” me.  The content (pic) retweeted is directly connected to volunteer stuff I do.  OMG.  Yes.  Totally.  I know right?? I mixed up the two accounts.  Effing dolt.  At the time, when I retweeted this pic tweet as TCA, I realized it right away and deleted it.  Or so I thought.

The search of “Toaster Cum Ass” listed TCA in a few places – Twicsy being one.  AND HOLY SHIT.  That tweet was STILL OUT THERE AS BEING RETWEETED BY TCA!!!!!  DA. FUQ.

Needless to say, I went into a brief hysteria.  I Googled “how do i get my profile not to show in twicsy?” and the very first result I clicked on:

http://blog.agatapiekut.com/twicsy-never-forgets

THANK GOODNESS FOR AGATA PIEKUT @gatadreams !!!  Thank her for having blogged this information back in February.  Without her info, I would not know where to start because my hysteria had taken hold.  I followed instructions, which were slightly vague, yet pointed me in the right direction.  With my awesome skeeeeeellz, I found exactly what needed to be done – and let me tell you, Twicsy PURPOSELY makes it difficult for you to find.  So, being that I was in hysteria and then pretty pissed off that to remove my profile was CAMOUFLAGED, I decided I MUST BLOG THIS.  I MUST TELL EVERYONE in cyber space how to delete their profiles from Twicsy. *GRINS* Because it’s bullshit.

Since there will be several screenshots and instructions, I decided to make it an actual PAGE of my blog so it’ll be easier for people to find, reference and share.  Click the link below:

Remove Yourself From Twicsy

FYI - Google yourself or search yourself on Twicsy to see if you show up. Why? I searched my real life twitter results (which is a smaller account [really small Lol]) and it doesn't generate any information on me on Twicsy.  But I didn't check first, I just started the process to remove my real life self from Twicsy, but couldn't.  Because I wasn't there.  Duh.

Happy removing!!!  If you have issues, email me at lenorexavier@gmail.com I'd be happy to help you go through the motions.

Though if you don't have my issues, I guess Twicsy is good per this article:

http://www.killerstartups.com/social-networking/twicsy-com-search-pictures-shared-on-twitter/

Your choice.

Father's Day ~ Celebration of Fatherhood

I have to tell you, Twitter and my blog has not only been great self-rehab, but socially, it has allowed me to connect with amazing people from all around the world.  One of my followers has become a 'bestie' @mxryder78.  A guy bestie.  In my previous relationship, I lost many of my friends - both guys and girls because my ex was jealous/possessive.  I'm slowly building my friends network both virtually and in real life.  He shares the same music taste, originally from the West Coast (Cali), we're around the same age.  We discovered we liked/grew up listening to many of the punk bands from the 90's (Pennywise, Bad Religion, NoFx, etc.)  Anyway, this Father's Day post was inspired by him and a movie he recommended:  "The Other F Word"  Watch the trailer below to see what the movie is about.

It's on Netflix currently - I watched it Mother's Day weekend.  It was an amazing flick!  It made me laugh, jam out to music I used to listen to in high school and even made me tear up (Specifically Flea, Duane Peters and Art Alexakis' stories).

There were 20+ Dads (from musicians/singers to Skater/BMX Pros) in this movie. The main Dad is Jim Lindberg from Pennywise (@mxryder78's fave band!)They talked about their fathers, sharing insight of the choices they had to make in the transition of becoming a father.  Never mind who they are, it is clear and true across the board, as with being a mother, a father too must be courageous in fulfilling an important role in a child's life.

This Father's Day, I want to celebrate all the Dad's present, past and beyond.  My Dad, your Dad, Dads of Twitter, those who may not have had the best Father, or don't know who their Father is, I hope you had a male figure that was your father figure.  If not, then your mom, grandmother, aunt or any other individual that took care of you that you love and respect.  They've done their best to love us, provide for us and teach us.  Being a parent is not easy, but we do our best to do what's right and try to ensure our children become the adult we would want them to be.

I hope all you Fathers out there enjoyed your day.  Thank you for trying your best to provide for and love your families.  For doing the right things and keeping your head up when times get tough or life throws you lemons.  Love to you all.

Happy Father's Day!

Enjoy some of my favorite songs from a few of the bands in the movie!

"Bro Hymn" - Pennywise

"Don't Call Me White" - NOFX

"Recipe for Hate" - Bad Religion

"Father of Mine" - Everclear

Mother's Day Reflection ~ Moms Are Courageous

Eight years ago, I celebrated my very first Mother's Day.  My little bundle of joy, my son, was four weeks old.  Yes, what a joyous occasion.  Except I celebrated it in a Children's Hospital.

It was the second day of stay at All Children's Hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida.  I woke to the beautiful footprint greeting hanging on some medical contraption.  It was a bittersweet surprise.  We would not know that our four week old had neuroblastoma until four days later and a number of blood tests, scans and even a liver biopsy.  Remember my 'Renewed Motivation' post?  I really wish the book I talk about in that post was around.  It would have helped immensely in this experience as you can imagine the kinds of emotions a first time mother would have experienced learning what her infant son was just diagnosed with. (Thankfully he is free and clear and has been for seven years now.)

Let's fast forward to October 2013.  My son, who was seven years old this month, unfortunately witnessed the domestic violence altercation his father and I was in that ultimately jump started the process of extrication from a twelve year long relationship, a nine year marriage.  It was because I was a Mother, I had the courage to finally walk away.  Ultimately, it's one thing to have to endure something personally, but if my child is now affected, that's where the line is drawn.

This post is not about neuroblastoma nor domestic violence.  This is about Mothers. I want to honor Mothers worldwide today.  Not just my own, but all moms - not just moms who have given birth, those who foster, adopt and marry into the role, single moms, married moms, divorced/widowed moms, moms with one child, moms with eighteen children.  We're awesome quite frankly.  My story is only one, of millions of stories that each mother has.  And every story shares the same story line, courage.

I remember having courage to sit in that hospital for six days, watching nurses, poke, prod and whisk my son away for testing while not knowing what in the fuck was going on.  I remember having courage the night of the domestic violence altercation, my seven year old standing up to his father, yelling at the top of his lungs "Don't hurt her!!!!!!", with sheer fright yet determined to protect his mother.  I had the courage that night to say to the police officer, yes, I don't want him back in this house, knowing that the road ahead would be unpleasant and rough - for everyone.  Moms are made of courage.

I've never mentioned this before, but I am also a step-mother.  The Ex has a son, who was six years old when I met him.  He will be twenty years old in June.  Do you know that he loves and respects me more than his own biological parents? That makes me sad, but I am very happy I can be that person for him.  I love him as if he were my own.  I firmly believe being in this past relationship was to be a part of his life, not his father's.

Back to moms, yes, we are courageous.  Today I celebrate the Mothers of the World.  For having the patience, love and determination to keep their children happy and safe.  To knowing what's good for them and taking action when necessary.  For working hard to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table when the father has skipped out.  For trying their absolute best to give the best they can to their children no matter what.

Being a mom doesn't mean making sacrifices, it means being courageous while loving and caring with every ounce of their being.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers of the world.  I hope you enjoy today as much as I will.

Nergeekiness ~ Raise Your Geek Flag

According to his goodmenproject.com bio, a tweep I follow (and follows TCA!), Alexander Yarde @thatalexyarde, is "... a husband and father living in New Jersey. In earlier times, you could find Alex in New York City teaching outdoor education to the great kids from Erasmus High School in Brooklyn." He is also, a geek, who was interviewed and featured on an episode on Geek Cast Live on April 5, 2014.  I listened to this podcast yesterday afternoon.  It was interesting and funny, not to mention pleasantly geeky in content [1:20:12 long].

The first 15 minutes they chatter a bit, talking about hash tags this and that, laughing, silliness - funsies!  Alex then proceeds to talk about the Good Men Project.  Have you heard of it?  If not, basically, from a blurb directly from their website's "About Us" page:

"Our community is smart, compassionate, curious, and open-minded; they strive to be good fathers and husbands, citizens and friends, to lead by example at home and in the workplace, and to understand their role in a changing world. The Good Men Project is a place where that happens."

Alex says:

"We're the only large scale conversation about progressive men's masculinity in the world, currently, and we look at masculinity through the lens of technology, parenting, sports, ethics, politics, arts and entertainment, marriage, sex relationships, social justice and humor."  [Listen at 15:03-15:25]

Alex explains Good Men Project in his own words and how he contributes as a writer/contributor.  He also talks about being a geek:

"Anything that smart people obsess about and are passionate about, qualifies as being a geek and I guess that's being human too."

"You geek out about stuff that makes you happy."

Awesome stuff.  Seriously. Oh, and I'm not here to review the podcast, I just want to share with everyone a great find (if you haven't already found it!) in podcasts. And shout out to Alex - 'Sup! ;) - cause he's totally awesome.

Fun take aways from this podcast:

• The Good Men Project is always looking for submissions, looking for people to write, editors, any ideas - it's open door!
• People at Comic Cons are awesome.  Cause, Geeks.
• "...just stand up to your principles and be loyal to your friends and family." (from Nick Offerman's appearance on Conan O'Brien watch at 2:47-2:50)
•  Captain America 3 & Superman vs. Batman were scheduled to be released during the same week.  BUT, Warner Bros. decided to move Superman vs. Batman to later due to a Wonder Woman stand alone film and put it out same week as Captain America 3.  (Which, I personally will be going to see WW first!)
• Being a geek is wanting to, is being passionate about something to the point that you want everyone else to be as into it as you are because you wanna share that joy. [Listen at 25:33-25:45]
• Read a column posted April 3rd by Alex: New Jersey Gets the Horn & the Finger at the Zombie Apocalypse  (See where your state ranks - his ranks last to survive the Z Apocalypse! Hawaii ranks pretty low, but Florida even lower - dafuq?!)
• Death Wish Coffee (On Twitter: @DeathWishCoffee ) - The world's strongest coffee apparently.  I want to try this coffee.  I don't have a death wish, but @GeekCastRy swears by it's potency and really great taste.  Therefore, I'm going to use their secret pass code 'geekcast' to get a 15% discount off my purchase!
• Operation Supply Drop (On Twitter: @OPSupplyDrop ) - Operation Supply Drop (OSD) is a military gaming 501(c)(3) charity designed to build video game filled care packages for soldiers (America and Her Allies) both deployed forward to combat zones as well as those recovering in military hospitals. 

And last but not least, "What are you geeking on this week?"  The geeks close out their weekly podcast by going around asking what they're geeking on this week. So, in honor of their tradition, I wanted to share what I'm geeking on this week... A new book!  One that is totally and completely geeky, nerdy, nergeeky... UBER EXCITED TO READ!!

"Geek Wisdom The Sacred Teachings of Nerd Culture"

Edited by Stephen H. Segal

In the "Dedication", the first sentence reads, 'This book is dedicated to everyone who's ever said one of these things out loud during conversation.'  Chapter I is titled: 'MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA'  That is all I need to say.  And #donkeyballs !!! only because I say that sometimes when I'm extremely excited.

Check out Alex Yarde's post on this podcast on goodmenproject.com

Check out the Fantastic Five Geeks of Geek Cast Live at geekharder.com

Follow them on Twitter too!
@GeekCastBass
@GeekCastJoe
@GeekCastRy
@GeekGurlJo
@GeekGurlLes

Emotional Wave ~ Renewed Motivation

It has been quite some time since I blogged, hasn’t it?  I was somewhat avoiding blogging to be honest.  Why?  Negativity.  I had so much internal negativity, I didn’t want to expose any of you, or spread it.  Know what I mean?  I started blogging as an outlet for working through my thoughts and feelings.  I didn’t have much negativity then.  It was more feeling lost, hopeless, hopeful, aimless thoughts, new adventures or muddling through emotions.  When extrication happened in October (new readers, reference the “In All Seriousness” page before continuing to read), the ball started rolling in December with the few legal aspects of this whole freakin’ debacle.  However, only in the past couple of weeks the heat turned up and all hell broke loose in the ‘emotional bearing’ arena.  Needless to say, I found myself withdrawing from posting or tweeting and having to face down real life drama and circumstances.

So, what brings me back to blog?  My self-awareness.  I worried that my toxic real life drama and emotional chaos would bring you, my readers, my tweeps, my friends, down.  The friends via Twitter and my blog, who genuinely ask how my well-being is regularly because they've read my blog or we've had heart to heart chats on DM about life in general, cared.  I didn't want to worry anyone.  Always the ‘Protector’.  We protectors end up with the most burden.  We care ‘too much’, therefore, we get hurt the most.  Well, that’s my opinion as I've found this to be true in my experience.  This is what made me snap into a realization – we do this to ourselves.  I am responsible for my thoughts and actions, feelings and reactions.  I need to remember you all are as well.  I am not anyone’s keeper.  You keep yourself in check, and I’ll keep myself in check.  Simple.  My blog is mine.  To express as I feel, not what anyone thinks or feels I should be expressing or if it will affect them.  I lost sight of that back in February when the cyber drama happened then real life wants to throw some shit in the mix too in March.  Boo. Anyway, I’ve shaken the ick off and am back with renewed motivation.

While I was working through the real life muck, I started reading again.  I finished reading “Tuesdays with Morrie” by American Writer Mitch Albom last week.  It's a true story about a dying professor (Morrie) who teaches a student (Mitch) from about twenty years ago, about what's important in life during the last months of his life.  I started reading this book in September last fall.  When the shit hit the fan in October, I was 86% into the book and hadn't picked it up since.  After finishing the book, I kicked myself in the ass and remembered why I blog.  It is part of my self prescribed rehab!

I felt like sharing my afterthoughts, my inner monologue of what I learned by reading this book.   I hope you find this profound in some way to jolt thoughts in your life if you're going through a rough patch, or patches or fields. Hell, endless acres even!

There was an amazing, singular aspect of life from Morrie's perspective, that will forever stay scorched in my being.  It's about learning to allow your emotions to FULLY penetrate in an experience so you can detach from that experience.  What?  Right.  Here's an excerpt from the book that may hopefully help you better understand as Morrie explains to Mitch:

"...detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you.  On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully.  That's how you are able to leave it."

"Take any emotion--love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid.  You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief.  You're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails."

In my real life situation, this helped tremendously.  I have always tried to be 'strong' (in enduring the last twelve years) and 'keeping it together'.  Now, what I needed, was to be strong to let my self unravel.  Feel the anger, shame, sadness, hopelessness, love, hate--EVERY emotion, penetrate me fully.  Not a quarter way.  Not half way. Completely.  Of course though, by doing this, comes a hefty price to pay in the 'coping' of your emotions department, let me tell you.  You must let yourself cry unabashedly, get fired up and explosively pissed, be end of the world sad - unbearably, heart achingly, heartbroken to be exact, feel completely and utterly lost and despaired...basically far beneath rock bottom of your emotional capacity really.  It. Will. Fucking. Suck. Bad...

Chin up, though...the detachment part is worth all that pain searing agony of allowing every single emotion to FULLY penetrate you.  It's like your self, your being, is a colander.  You've strained all the excess bullshit with a pressure washer.  When it's all drained, what's left is what really matters.  The true you.  The cleaned you.  The you that was lost in all that muck.  Thoughts become clearer.  Emotions are renewed.  Motivation has been brought back up to the surface instead of forgotten at the bottom of all that ick.

You may or may not be in a situation that would warrant such an extreme kind of emotional journey, but if you should someday, I highly recommend letting yourself be fully penetrated by all your emotions.  Once you do it, each successive time you have to, it'll come easier.  I know.

This book was deeply inspirational for me.  There were so many other aspects of life Morrie's perspective highlighted.  If you haven't read this book yet, it most definitely should be on your reading list.  One of my favorites, without a doubt.

Thanks for sticking around you guys...xoxo...and yes, another snippet should be upcoming with this new motivation.  *wink wink*

Music ~ Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Although a cultural and religious holiday, St. Patrick's Day is often celebrated and associated with drinking and partying.  This year, a lovely virus has decided to hinder my ability to partake in any fun activities these past few weeks.  Boo.

In honor of the 'Irish' holiday, I have decided to highlight someone from Ireland.  An Irish singer/songwriter who I met via Twitter and other tweeps.  His name is Steve Boylan @StevieBoylan (I mention him in my Thanks and Appreciation post from January.) I wanted to share his music because I think it's beautiful.  He has a wonderful voice and the music with it's folk/bluegrass/bluesy, some acoustic/acoustic rock feel puts me in a soothing, calm, happy state of mind - which has been helpful during some of these real life debacles tackling me.  He does covers as well - Van Halen's Jump, Cat Stevens' Wild World and even Prince of Bel Air Theme Song.  Yes, you read that right.  No Jedi mind tricking here.  Well, the nerkgeek in me thinks it's a pretty cool and different rendition.  Oh, and he plays the ukulele too!

I hope you enjoy his music as much as I do.  I compiled a short playlist of some of the songs I enjoy:

I REALLY dig this one in particular. I love that he's playing the ukulele and his singing is mesmerizing, soulful and sexy.  Awesome.

Hope you all have a Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Music ~ 311 Day Eve

That's right Excitables ... t'was the eve before 311 Day and all through the world, every Excitable was stirring ... whether they were attending or not... LIKE ME!!!! Bummed, but still, excited for the rest of you who will be there in NOLA!!

So in honor of my favorite band @311, here are only a sliver of music videos of some of my most beloved songs, starting with my ULTIMATE fave.  Enjoy!

Beautiful Disaster

My Stoney Baby

Omaha Stylee

Jackolantern's Weather

Gap

Slinky

8:16 A.M.

Come Original

Creatures

Misdirected Hostility

Mix It Up

Sunset in July

Amber

As I blissfully search songs, I realized that I would probably post all their songs if I could!  So, although these are only some of the songs I love, cause in actuality, I really love most all of them, here's the YouTube Channel, check 'em out yourselves.

Happy 311 Day Eve!!!

www.311.com

Erotica Snippet ~ Collaboration ~ Coconutty

Prelude

I'm not sure if some of you recall a few months ago I asked if anyone was interested in guest posting, collaborating really.  Well, you send me a story and I get to edit to my hearts desire basically.  Some of you have and my apologies that it took me so long to get one of these 'collaborations' out.  Life sometimes throws you in a tornado and you have to manage until it's clear.

This was submitted via email (lenorexavier@gmail.com) back at the beginning of January.  I finally had a small window to remember first off, about the submissions and second, make edits.  So here's the first of hopefully many (if you all want to participate - for funsies!) guest/collaboration erotica snippets.  Hope you enjoy!  (And yes, one of my own is still in the works.  My problem is 

I have several ideas and start many of the snippets...then don't finish any of them...so I am eternally 'working' on them.  I know, I know...)

Coconutty

You start with a kiss. Real quick, mouth closed. No tongue. If it was on the cheek or even on the lips, it would have been nice but not really that eventful, and definitely not arousing.

But it was my dick that you kissed. Your sweet lips on the head. Lipstick on the tip. You lick your lips first and then, like an artist considering a landscape, dab your tongue, in circular motion, around the head. As your tongue continues its trail, you look up and stare straight into my eyes, coquettishly.

“You sure?” I say. “Your neck?”

The question is a courtesy, because we both know each other so well, each other’s preferences and comforts. We just fit. Still, I like to remind you that your comfort matters to me, and I love to hear your voice.

“I’m okay for now. Thanks. We’ll change it up in a bit. “

I feel myself suffuse with color and heat as you shift your tongue to my tip and lovingly lick the pre-cum that is in abundance. My dick is almost fully erect, and will no doubt soon be when you start sucking, but you surprise me and next began stroking and alternating between smacking my dick against your face and licking it up and down, from base to tip.

“Do you like that, Sir D?” you say with a smirk.

“Yes,” I say, though honestly I would have said anything at that point, so long as you continue. 

“I’m not trying to be conceited, but I am good at giving it. I just have to want to do it. I’ve been thinking about doing this for you for months, ever since I started reading your tweets. Do you like how it feels?”

“Oh, yes.”

“Then watch this.”

And then I was in your mouth and your lips and tongue are working in unison. The motion is up and down, up and down. You keep it wet and alternate the speed. You control your teeth and only use them precisely when you want, like when you nibbled my tip. At one point, you even drop your hands to your side and suck me hands-free.

My heart rate rises as the oral stimulation continues to pleasure me. Perhaps sensing this, you take a break from sucking and return to gentle stroking. As more pre-cum begins to seep out, you flick my dick against your breasts. You rub the tip right against each nipple. Your self-consciousness for your body recedes because you know my physical attraction for you is informed by your sweet, smart mind just as my mental desire for you is informed by your beauty.

You pause and get up and motion me to the bed. I need to kiss you first, though, and trace my lips over the freckle on the side of your nose. I linger and kiss your cheeks. As you close your eyes, I kiss them both and smell your scent.

Then you push me backward and I’m laying on the bed.  Your mouth hovers over the tip of my cock as you grab my shaft with one hand and balls in the other.  You wrap your warm, wet mouth on the tip of my pulsating cock. 

I moan and see my penis head darken and become taught, and then your head is bobbing furiously, as you suck from tip to shaft, fast, slow, in between. It is dazzling and I know my climax is approaching and is going to be intense. 

"Lenore?"

"Yes, Sir D?"

"Almost. It's almost --"

You continue to suck and look at me, knowingly. You love pleasing and know just how much I love this.

Then I come in a torrent, into your mouth, and my body arches and rocks with each successive spurt. I focus on your face and look in your beautiful eyes throughout the release.

You pause, preparing your throat. It is a lot of cum. Finally, you gulp, and then swallow it all. You consider, slowly nod, and smile.

"Well?" I ask.

"Yes. Coconut. It tastes coconutty. "

Thank you @J_Hughes_1985 for participating and letting me make edits as I wanted - which wasn't much!

If you would like to participate, you can email me to inquire at lenorexavier@gmail.com

Music ~ 9 Mile Roots

Ya'll know I love 311...well, I'm not cheating, but I've found another band that I'm TOTALLY digging on...

9 Mile Roots @9mileroots.  They followed TCA on Twitter, I followed back and immediately listened to their song 'Believe' from their "And the Rest Will Follow" album (nine songs, released June 1, 2010 - I know right??  Over three years ago, where the fug have I been?) and was hooked.  It seduced the inner me; the substance of the words.  I felt being spoken to.  Call me crazy, but in the past week I've read my "Kismet, My Friend" post everyday to reinforce my determination to obtain a Beautiful Life, and the moment I heard 'Believe' I knew Kismet was connecting with me.

"Yes you gotta believe in yourself one time

and retrieve from the mind dedication

I support you, I believe in you."

"Yes we live in this society,

with anxiety, definitely a variety of

hatred and remorse, guilt, evil is the source

put your right foot forward

take a breath and get your life on course."

Yes, their music is very roots, rock, reggae, and ska ('Bartender' - making me skank even!).  Needless to say, I listened to the rest of their songs throughout the day and can honestly say I got the same excited feeling I had when I discovered and fell in love with 311.  I did indeed buy both their albums on Amazon and plan to get merch when their new designs and 'ladies' cut shirts are available in bountiful amounts (hopefully they consider ladies form fitting tank tops too, hint hint).

Check them out, not just Excitables, those of you who enjoy music or maybe you want to try some new music genres, give them a listen.

Here's another from the 'And the Rest Will Follow' album:

"Bartender"

(this is the one that made me skank the entire song!)

Here are a couple of my faves from their newest studio release - LIME EP:

"Simplify"

"Windows Down"

If you keep up with my blog you may see why the following song I feel deep inside...

"Something More (with lyrics)"

I also like 'Another Level' but they didn't have a video.  You can listen here, it's song number 6.

9 Mile Roots titillates my ears, rocks my body with their beats and melodies but also touches my heart with their words.  The one thing important to me however, is how their music as a whole charges my mind and fuels my soul.

TCA loves 9 Mile Roots!